Best Singles of 2005
SO, it's almost the end of February, and all we've managed to get to is our "Worst-of" movie list. Well, suck it up and deal with it, people. You know how difficult it is to come up with witty comments on every form of popular culture in this country and deliver it to your doorstep each day? Answer: VERY difficult. So get off your whiny high horse, and let us take our time putting this shit together. It gives you something to keep looking forward to, alright?!?! Alright then.
(cough cough)
We now return to our regularly scheduled light-hearted entertainment. Say, the whole Indiana Jones 4 thing got us thinking: what do you think the dinner conversation at George Lucas' home sounds like? We think it just might go a little something....a-like this:
George Lucas' Son: Say, Dad, after we finish eating this caviar off the gold plate balanced on the head of our black midget manservant, do you think we could maybe buy the X-Men franchise and turn it into a steaming pile of moose doots?
George Lucas: You got it, son. Just let me swim through this crevasse filled with money to get to the Destructo-Ray, and I'll begin raping the childhoods of a whole new generation of kids!
Ba-DUM-bum. Anyhoo, here's the best singles of the past year. And the only reason Kanye's not on here is because, come ON, dude.
Shakira- "Don't Bother"
She not only writes everything, produces everything, leads her own band with a bravado that would do the Boss proud, but she is a one-woman talent machine who can still shake her booty better than anyone else in pop music. Also, in the video she trashes her boyfriend's car super-righteously.
LCD Soundsystem- "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House"
First time you hear it: over-warmed hipster-disco retread. 2nd time you hear it 'til infinity: Ridiculously catchy anthem that will make you dance wherever you hear it, even, in Planetarium's particularly unfortunate case, the grocery store.
Madonna- "Hung Up"
Hate to break it to you, pal, but no matter how ridiculous Mrs. Someone-Quick-Tell-Her-She's-In-Her-Mid-40s Ritchie gets, she can still kick out the jams. Her best song since "Music".
Kelly Clarkson- "Since U Been Gone"
What's that? You're saying this song came out in 2004? Fuck you. It doesn't get old. Okay, fine: then give it up for "Behind These Hazel Eyes", which also kicks ass and came out THIS year. So there.
Secret Machines- "Nowhere Again"
The "We Didn't Start the Fire" of 2005. But, you know, really good.
Also, every song from the new Fiona Apple is a hit. Just so you know. Which reminds us: The best albums of 2005: coming soon. Hopefully. As long as there's no more griping about it. If you need people who keep their deadlines, then Diablo's your girl.