Planetarium - politics/music/culture/smarts

SO- it's come to Planetarium's attention that everyone and their mothers are now faithfully submitting their year-end best-of lists out into the stratosphere, either by blog or email, or even taking unfair advantage of their position as writers by publishing in magazines their compliations of what they see as the best that 2003 had to offer. After all, there's few things that dorks of all stripes- be they music, film, internet, gaming, or political- love more than top ten lists. Well, we here at Planetarium say fie on that! We will stoop to neither best-of lists, nor top ten lists! And in that spirit, we offer you, gentle reader, a top-six "worst of 2003" list. IN the spirit of goodwill towards humans, of course.

6. Strom Thurmond- planted at last! This aging dinosaur, clothed in 20s-era bowties, sitting on the Senate floor, spent the past twelve years nobly listening to passionate debates on the most serious issues of our time; and then, when all others had fallen silent, this great elder statesman would rise to his feet, open his mouth, and emit a three-foot-long streamer of drool. Like down to his knees. That's what a pathetic, racist, decrepit, husk of a chauvinist pig this man had become. And he sat in Congress and made lots of important decisions, yeah, that's good, he's a good man. At least we now have his bastard half-black daughter whose mother he likely raped as living, eternal evidence of what a piece of shit this man was.

5. The Postal Service- Give Up- God, I am sick to death of seeing this album of every single rock critic's top-ten list. You know what the worst part about them is? We really, really like this record. A lot. It's so embarrasing. Seriously, who would've thought that just by taking away the guitars and throwing some electronic drums on it, you could trick people into liking emo again? 'Cuz that's what this is, folks, through and through: E-M-O. Postal Service deserves the title even more than Jimmy Eat World at this point. Joan Jett said it best: "I hate myself for loving you."

4. Friendster- My generation is so stupid that it actually thinks an online meet-and-greet cum miss lonelyhearts service is a good idea. Friendster sucked the minds and logic out of many a sensible person for the past eight months. Happily, as the year closes, and Friendster begins breathing its last, pitiable gasps of air, all hipsters have decided to waste their lives elsewhere.

3. My Generation- The Friendster thing reminded me. I hate you all.

2. The End of Buffy, The Vampire Slayer- Seriously, this could've been number one worst thing of the year, save for a few precious truths: 1) Angel is still on the air. 2) Joss Whedon is still alive, and 3) They will hopefully keep making new Buffy video games in perpetuity. All of you people who don't know what I'm talking about, you missed one of the most important cultural icons of your time, and I feel very bad for you. No, wait, I still hate you.

1. George Bush- Could it be anything else? This man will very likely go down in history as the WORST President we've ever had. Like really bad, dangerously bad. And not, to quote David Cross, "just in like a Millard Fillmore, James K. Polk kind of way." We have sat around for three years and watched this man's administration make a mockery of everything that was once respectable about America, democracy, politics, and especially brain cells. (See brain cells, needing to have) And I'm not entirely convinced that they don't have Osama hidden away, as a prize to reveal about a month before the election. The right-wing conspiracy Hillary spoke of no longer needs to hide itself away, it's right in the open, for all to see. And over half of our country couldn't be happier. I'm so proud to be an American.

Whoo, that ended on a much more seriously depressing note than I could have anticipated. Um, Planetarium can't let you go away that bummed out, it's Christmas, after all. Go check out Ain't It Cool and see the trailers for some of the really cool movies that are coming out next year: Spiderman 2, The new Coen brothers, all sorts of good things to look forward to. So there you go. All is not dark. Just, um, a lot. hah-hah. errr...