Earning Stripes
Before Planetarium runs to a computer in order to comment on the California recall election, I (Kate) thought I would interrupt with the breaking news that Siegfried & Roy, the popular Las Vegas attraction, has finished a lengthy run following the near-fatal mauling of magician Roy Horn by a white Bengal tiger late last week.
Now I know what you're thinking. Why can't you tell me more about Arnold's assault charges? Its been two days! I can't wait any longer! In that case, you should probably keep reading.
The tiger, Montecore (last name witheld for security purposes) appeared on Meet the Press this past Sunday, responding to questions about the attack via an interpreter (the tiger is fluent in German). Montecore is currently being held in quarantine at the Mirage Hotel, where the popular attraction has been staged since 1990. According to an Associated Press report, tickets currently sell for $110.00 apiece.
Asked by commentator Tim Russert what led to the attack, the famously coy tiger responded that the incident involved a few unfulfilled requests. First, a share in the earnings following a successful round of low-stakes blackjack were never "Forked over". A lodged complaint over the "Mediocre" Mirage buffet was never resolved. The tiger also expressed "Disatisfaction" with co-star Siegfried's hair stylist. "My own bouffant was never as vivacious as his," the tiger said. He also recalled a discussion with Horn concerning the lack of showgirls in the famous Siegfried & Roy show. "Come on," he snorted (via interpreter) "You expect me to look at tigers all day?"
Russert concluded by asking for the tiger's predictions concerning the forthcoming California recall election. "Arnold," responded Montecore (again via interpreter). "It's a territorial thing. I innately follow the one with the thickest accent." And of his own accord, the tiger followed up his statement with the admission: "The Cubs, the blonde from Survivor...and Gephardt."